DHARMA IN EVERYDAY LIFE

By Nhat Quan

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As you know, anger arises due to very small causes such as:

1- Dissatisfied.

When dissatisfaction arises in your mind it is not called harm, it only makes your mind unsatisfied. If you don't get rid of it from then on, it will gradually come to an angry state.

2- Angry.

When anger has arisen, your mind is no longer clear, then the mind is only inclined in one direction to think that you are absolutely right. Anger mind makes you uncomfortable, this is the cause of anger.

3- Anger.

The state of anger makes your mind very hot, lose all composure. Once your mind is angry, there is no distinction between right and wrong, the mind becomes dark and can cause three harms:

- Anger makes the mind dark.

- Anger makes the mind not work well, especially the loss of virtue.

- Anger often makes spoilers.

When your mind is no longer clear, your mind begins to tie up the wrong karma, called the knot of hatred.

4- Knot Resentment.

Knot animosity, which means when you are angry but have not been able to do anything about the other person, you should try to keep it in your mind, waiting for a convenient opportunity to do it, no matter how many years it takes. Furthermore, anger can have many other causes. That is, life has many problems, then anger appears, exists, and develops in the corresponding direction.

As for the knot of hatred, one step above the stubbornness of anger means not communicating with the person they are angry with, moreover trying to harm them, in any case, if the opportunity leads to them. Therefore, the harm of attachment to anger is:

1- Make the mind restless:

Every time you remember the person who made you angry, the mind loses its composure. If you let the stubbornness in your mind be like knowing that you are with a wild animal, knowing it will harm you in any convenient case, the mind is always worried.

2- The mind is destroyed:

In case you have stubbornly been angry with the other person when you meet that person in a deserted place, or in a public place, you will feel anxious, breathless, and want to avoid the other person. Therefore, the person who still persists with anger in his heart is like a person with a serious, metastatic disease that is getting bigger and bigger. In the same way, the mind becomes more and more obsessed with anger, losing its clarity and ability to work.

1- Harm to life:

If you hold grudges or create grudges against many people and cause many karmas, everyone will avoid you, even if your relatives don't like you. If you are stubborn, anger and ignorance are like a slow-exploding bomb, you don't know when to explode, then no one dares to come near you. Therefore, your life will be lonely, without friends, when there is a need, no one to help.

2- Harm to jobs:                 

If you are a person who is obstinate and angry, you are often hindered, because there is no one to help you, and also because of anger, you cannot work skillfully.

Opposite of anger.

1. When it's bad, it's impossible to say it all. Speaking of thinking of the mind, when you are angry, never think of good deeds. When you become angry, even though you are a highly educated person in this world, you will also become ignorant, then it is like a madman. When your mind is not angry, it is pure, happy, and relaxed, thinking about everything is clear, and wisdom is clear and very pure.

2- The Buddha taught that when angered, people lose their virtue. Everything changes completely, you become violent and brutal because the mind is no longer calm and cool. When the mind is angry, the action is different and the face is no longer beautiful and kind.

When you are not angry, from small gestures to words and deeds, all are courteous, endearing,

3- When you are angry, you can never work perfectly, because the mind no longer loves what you are doing. If you have anger, you will have few friends, because few people dare to communicate, if you do great things, it will cause more harm, because those under you are less likely to want to be close and never dare to say anything even if they know that the boss does the wrong thing.

Hate and stubbornness are common things in the world, naturally, everyone knows that they don't have to learn. This kind of mental illness, which is greed, anger, and delusion, often makes you miserable, frustrated, and sad and is also the cause of reincarnation, only the great physician, the Buddha, found a way to cure that disease. But the method of eliminating anger and attachment to anger must be learned and more diligent practice because this is the method of liberation. To get rid of anger, you must first:

- How to stop anger.

But when anger has already occurred, how to extinguish it?

- When you can stop it, how to stop the anger and not repeat the offense again.

According to the venerable One guide, if you want to end your anger and stubbornness, you should practice the following methods:

1- Preventing anger

As you know, the small cause of discontent is the beginning of anger, so the first step you should take is to prevent resentment from arising because prevention is better than cure.

For example, if you are scolded by others, then of course you will be angry and eventually resentful. Angry is only the first step that is not really harmful, but it is the next step that is anger that is significantly important. The mind is usually like this, but since you don't often take care of it or say it's not good to practice according to the method taught by the Buddha when the mind arises too quickly, there is not enough memory to observe it, so it spontaneously arises out. Because you lack the memory to control the mind, you feel like anger arises immediately, while in the case of dissatisfaction, the actual process of the mind has to go in the same order as mentioned above.

To stop anger, you need to be careful not to let discontent arise when you know discontent has arisen.

The reason you can stop dissatisfaction here is that dissatisfaction can not make the mind vibrate strongly, memory can still control the mind. So when you become aware, you have to bring your mind out of the situation that makes you unhappy. In this case, it's best if you leave somewhere else.

2- Extinguish anger

Discontent is like the fire of a match, which you can blow out; if the fire is not extinguished while the fire is still in the state of matches, but to the angry stage, the fire will start to burn with a flame. But a fire with a flame is still curable, but here, if you don't cure it in time, the fire will explode, burning other objects. A big fire is like anger, if you don't try to cure it, it will burn other things like the fire of anger. When the fire reaches other objects, it means that there is a big fire, without calling the fire truck, the fire will burn the whole house, the fire burns so intensely, it is difficult to extinguish. Here, that fire is like hatred.

As mentioned above, when people get angry, they are no longer wise enough to judge anything. Then the angry person:

- No more memory

- No longer know who you are.

Since you have no memory and no longer know who you are, let delusion enter your mind. The fact that your mind acts very quickly, and your lack of memory and not knowing who you are, the more dangerous it is. When your mind is angry, fighting with others, at that moment if there is a very short interval in your mind that makes you calm, perceive everything. That is to be wise, if you have enough memory and know yourself, taking that opportunity to suppress anger means you avoid going elsewhere. Especially returning to mindfulness, or using wisdom to observe the sin of anger; and thinking about impermanence, suffering, and not-self, when you do that, your mind will be at peace.

The truth is that in this world, everyone has the opportunity to get angry, but very few people can continue to be angry for 30 minutes in a row. If there is, then it must be very tired after that. And while anger like that also has a brief moment of silence, if you want to quell anger you should try to watch the mind extinguish it. So, when you are first dissatisfied, or when you are angry, you should immediately take the opportunity to avoid it, that is, you must have memory and should know you to prevent it from arising in your mind.

3- Stop anger

Anger is like a burning fire, and hatred is like an underground coal fire. If there is a time when you have eliminated anger, but you have to remove hatred to end anger. To do this, you must realize, as a human being, that you live more for life than for yourself. So when someone touches your ego, it makes you dissatisfied immediately. Sometimes you also want not to be angry, but think that if you hold back, people will think you are stupid or afraid so you don't dare to protest.. etc. Therefore, if you resist and cause injustice and hatred, in the end, you only live for the world. If you are patient, everything will be fine. But you know what, when you fight against the external situation to overcome it, you yourself are also troubled inside, which is anger. If you lose to the external circumstances, you will only have a little discomfort, but if you lose the inner defilement is anger, you will suffer forever without knowing how life will end. That is when you win the person who made you angry then you also create an unjust and sinful grudge against that person in the future. So the Buddha taught that:

- Winning yourself is noble.

The body here is the Buddha who wants to show the mind. So you are a Buddhist, so trying to overcome your mind is called absolute victory. Because when you overcome the mind, you no longer have anger, you have no hatred, no fear of revenge, the mind is relaxed, peaceful, and liberated. So you should practice patience, and compassion and always be alert. This method is the method of teaching your mind to be calm in the circumstances and should make the mind cool. When you teach your mind to be calm, cool, and relaxed in situations that make you angry, not only will you be happy and content yourself, but your wife and children, or husband and children, relatives, and friends, and your partner is also happy.

In addition to the three methods mentioned above, to deal with anger, the venerable ones also suggest three more methods:

a- Don't Care

In this case, you use your intellect to see that everything that comes to you is irrelevant. For example, if the other person scolds you, you should think:

- I don't know what they told me?

I didn't hear it, please say it again.

If you don't ask again because you heard clearly, then you should find out why the person scolded you? The most important thing is to admit that it comes from you. More than that, you should also think:

- He or she was being burned by the fire of anger because he could not control his anger, so he scolded me.

Then you should also be patient without needing to quarrel with the lunatic. Moreover, you are a disciple of the Buddha, he taught that anger is the source of the sins of samsara, he often taught sentient beings to give up greed, hatred, and delusion, but you as his disciple should practice according to his word to repay the kindness his teachings are innumerable. You should not let the intellectuals criticize and scorn and the world loathes. When you think like that, your heart is no longer busy with world affairs, winning or losing, competing for fame and fortune with others, then suddenly the scolding is not a problem.

b- Practice loving-kindness & compassion.

When your mind is angered by others, you should immediately feel pity for the person who made you angry, that pity is the compassion and loving-kindness in Buddhism. You should think:

- Anger makes people lose their temper and do bad things, even losing their good qualities. People, because of their anger, are miserable, and can't stand it, so they reveal what the intellectuals criticize. So I don't get angry because of that, on the contrary, I should pity that person more. If I don't dodge quickly, I'll enter the ring the same way, and will make the world laugh. And that is the source of my reincarnation.

To do this, you must at least train your mind to have loving-kindness and compassion, before encountering circumstances that make you angry. If you wait until things happen to practice loving-kindness and compassion, you will certainly not be able to do it. You have to practice first before you can show loving-kindness and compassion. Those who have never practiced loving-kindness and compassion but want to show love and compassion, will certainly not get results. For example, a person who wants to put out a fire, but does not have a reserve of water, or someone who is thirsty and has just dug a well, will not have water to drink for a long time.

Only two methods of loving-kindness and compassion are the methods to extinguish the fire of anger. Because loving-kindness is to want sentient beings to be happy. Compassion is pitying sentient beings and thinking about helping sentient beings escape suffering and be happy.

Loving-kindness has the state of action and its function is to bring benefits to sentient beings. The noblest result is the cessation of anger, hatred, or animosity towards sentient beings, and seeing clearly that all sentient beings love you as you love living beings. Therefore, a person with loving kindness never hurts others.

Compassion has the state of helping someone who is suffering, and never hurting others, even though that person has caused you suffering. At the same time see sentient beings suffering in samsara like you are burning around you with no way out, no one to pity to rescue. Therefore, you have a compassionate heart to help those who are in trouble and suffering.

Love and compassion are methods of teaching the mind to be impatient, and anger to become cool. You could say precept is the cage for the lion, and love and compassion are the methods for teaching the lion to be gentle.

As for the practice, you cannot use loving-kindness and compassion to extinguish when the mind is angry. Don't say to use loving-kindness and compassion at that time, just when you are angry and don't even remember the words of love and compassion, how can you use loving-kindness and compassion to extinguish anger?

It is not until the anger subsides that you remember loving-kindness and compassion. Therefore, if you want to stop anger, you should first quell anger. It is not difficult to get rid of grievances. When you know that you have grievances, it is okay to leave somewhere else, everything will stop automatically.

c- Recognizing Errors

When anger has occurred, if you want not to be angry, there is the simplest method, which is to accept whatever you want:

- Part of that fault is yours.

The reason you are angry and resentful is that you still have afflictions, so there is anger, hatred, and reincarnation. If you no longer have defilements, there is no suffering, so you should try to practice to quickly get out of this sea of ​​samsara.

To do this you should be aware that:

- When you are angry, you do not harm others, on the contrary, you first harm yourself without you knowing it.

Because an angry person is someone who is burned by the fire of afflictions in his heart, unable to bear it, to use words or actions to reduce the anger in his mind, so when you are angry, you are suffering first. There are times when you can't harm people and you feel more miserable and resentful. If you are often angry, you will age quickly, so your life will be shortened, and no matter how beautiful you are, you will become ugly. So you should pity the angry person rather than get angry at them, and you should also try to avoid anger. Having said that it is poisonous, anger will never bring happiness to you.

You should know that when you are not angry, your body parts work normally, but when you are angry, the parts of your bodywork increased at a faster rate. So anger has more power and can do heavy things that without anger can not do. But then you feel very tired. So anger harms your health a lot.

Anger is already capable of damaging physical health. Human virtues or conduct, such as filial piety, patience, compassion, etc., when you are angry, the qualities that intellectuals often praise are also destroyed.

The evil of greed is like a flood. If a flood occurs, of course, there will be damage, but anyway, there are a few items left. And the harm of anger is like burning a house. When the house is on fire, it is difficult to find anything left, maybe only a pile of coal. Anger is a fire hotter than fire. The external fire only burns your hot body, while the fire of afflictions burns your heart and also causes you to be reborn in the evil paths.

In short, because of delusion, you think that when you harm others, that person will suffer. You will be pleased with your actions, but that is a misconception. The person who suffers first is you, not the person you hurt. Because, when you are the one who causes hatred towards others, it is you who has brought harm to your heart first. Indeed, when you are angry and hold a grudge, first of all, you are the one who loses your temper, your mood changes constantly, and even when you recite the Buddha's name, you cannot make your mind calm, your mind is always dirty, and do something also failed to achieve. If you have wisdom, then you see that your mind is dirty, your happiness is greatly reduced, and your good dharmas are gradually destroyed, especially virtue and meditation are increasingly declining, then even regret will no more time.

So again, I remind you, when you cause hatred and harm people, you don't know how much harm you can do to others, but you suffer the most. Because when you tie a grudge with someone, it is you who closes the door of your home and does not allow the good and happiness to enter your home. What I mean is that once you have a grudge against someone, you never want to see that person and your heart is clearly upset that your interests are stopped. Therefore, the Buddha taught:

- Of the five dharmas called hindrances, there is one, which is anger, and the bondage of hatred is the most dangerous.

If you already have anger and grudges, you will have fewer and fewer good friends and your former friends will also stay away. If you are a person with a high position in society, you should be careful to see the harm of anger and stubborn hatred. Because when you have a great position and have this nature, the intellectuals are all shunned, of course, you will do nothing but fail. If you have a lot of anger and hatred, you are like a silkworm that releases silk and then wraps itself, ending up dying because of its silk. A person with a lot of anger and hatred can die or be defeated in any situation, just like a silkworm dying in a spool of silk with its own mouth.

So you have to be very careful, never let anger control you. And if possible, it is good to make many friends, but you should not tie animosity with anyone.