Chua Duoc Su

In 1996, when the Dược Sư Temple was first established, the entire site looked like a jungle. For the first few weeks, some Buddhists and I cleared away the trees, weeds, and blackberry bushes. Inside, we arranged the main hall for worship. As a poor monk building a sacred temple, I didn't have enough money to hire workers; just thinking about the materials was daunting. Therefore, I had to learn everything from plumbing to tiling, roofing, designing the plumbing system, etc. I had to learn everything. While still in school, I only knew the theory of other subjects and had never learned about construction. After several days of researching and learning some drywall techniques, I realized it wasn't easy when I actually started working on it.

Installing drywall seems very easy; it's just screwing the drywall to the wall and then filling in the gaps with a few coats of compound here and there. It's not that difficult, but it's not. When I first started, I did it exactly like that, but when I used a trowel to apply the compound, it stuck to the wall, but when I took the trowel off, the compound would come off with it. But as a monk, I had enough patience and time, so I kept working on it until the drywall project was perfect. I didn't mind the effort or the time. Finally, I finished my first drywall project and walked back and forth admiring it.

It looked better than before because it was new drywall, but upon closer inspection, I noticed a small, unsightly bump in the middle of the wall. I was already tired, and besides, I was new and didn't know how to fix it. I intended to tear it down and rebuild it, but because the cost of materials was high, an elderly Buddhist volunteer suggested not tearing it down and leaving the wall as it was!

On the first day I took a visitor to see the new temple complex with the temporary main hall, I tried to avoid the wall I had built. I didn't want anyone to see it. But one day, about five or six weeks later, a visitor saw the wall while walking with me. He suddenly complimented me:

- The wall in front of the main hall is so beautiful, Master.

Surprised, I thought the visitor must have left his glasses in the car or that his eyesight was very poor.

I then said:

- Thank you, fellow devotee, but there's a raised area on the wall that makes it look unsightly.

The visitor said:

- Yes, I see the raised area. But I also see that the other drywall panels are very neat." The visitor's words completely changed my perspective on the wall, on myself, and on many other aspects of life. I was stunned. For almost two months, this was the first time I'd seen other drywall panels on the wall standing out next to the one with the protrusion. Above, below, to the left, and to the right of the protrusion, they were all neatly aligned and beautiful. Moreover, there were many, many more perfect drywall panels than the one with the protrusion.

Before, my eyes were only focused on the protrusion caused by my mistake, and I couldn't see anything else. That's why I didn't want to look at, or let others see, the wall. That's also why I wanted to destroy it. Now that I've seen the other beautiful drywall panels, I no longer see the protrusion as ugly. That's why the visitor praised the wall so much. And from then on, the wall stood strong until the complete remodel of the main hall, without a single flaw visible.

How many of you have ended relationships or divorced because you only saw the small imperfections of your partner, like I see the bump on my new drywall? How many of you have been desperate, even suicidal, because you only saw your own imperfections? The truth is, there are so many good, perfect qualities within you; you just haven't seen them yet. And every time you do, you get confused. Then you only see flaws, think only flaws, and want to destroy everything. Sadly, you've ruined your own life many times!

You all have flaws, like the bumps on a drywall, but you also have good spots, like the perfect drywall, far more numerous than the bumps. When you realize this, things aren't as bad as you think. Not only can you live in harmony with yourself, including your flaws, but you can also live happily with others. Thus, the uniqueness of any family can stem from the flaws in how you build a happy life. Similarly, what you consider your faults, others' faults, or life's faults in general can be unique features that enrich your life if you don't dwell on them.

Therefore, those who crave perfection, who yearn for completeness, who yearn for fullness in everything, should remember that in life, especially in the realm of emotions, this is considered the most intense, persistent, and perplexing aspect. You must realize that your pursuit of perfection is a never-ending journey, and it will never truly yield the results you desire. Because perfection never exists. Therefore, you must recognize this in time when your pursuit of perfection is incomplete. Because when your pursuit of perfection is incomplete, the fear within you will prevent you from making a decisive move. When the conflict between reason and emotion overwhelms you, when your erratic emotions almost leave you feeling lost and uncertain about everything, what hope do you have for perfection?

But is what you are truly seeking absolute perfection, as everyone thinks, or is it perfection in the small, simple things you are striving for, in the most hidden corners of your soul?

What you are truly seeking is perfection in the emotions you are nurturing. You yearn for security, you yearn for empathy. You yearn for your feelings to be fully reciprocated, just as you hoped. You simply long for life to give you what you deserve, so you can hope and cling to it.

It's just a longing and an overwhelming fear of being hurt, to stop yourself from being adrift in your endless thoughts. But truly, very few people understand this. Therefore, to understand that you yourself are exhausted by this very pursuit of perfection, to understand that you also wish to cast aside some of your worries, to stop worrying, to stop searching. Therefore, to end this weariness of perfection in your unrealistic expectations, you must realize:

- What matters is not where you stand, but the direction you are going!

And:

- Life is a long journey; if you go alone, you will go faster, but if you go with many people, you will go further.

Therefore, if you recognize that happiness is an art that not everyone can perceive and create, then with your shortcomings, you may not achieve as much success as you desire, but you can take slow, steady steps, and that is your own path.

Do you agree?

With perfection, you might achieve success quickly in your career and appear truly happy in the eyes of others, but there might be an inexplicable void in your soul. Therefore, as a practicing Buddhist, you should remember the following:

- Acceptance: Learn to accept others, their true selves, and their choices, even if you may find it difficult to understand their beliefs, motivations, or actions.

- Friendship: Create a group of people who can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and joys.

- Faith: Believe in yourself, believe that you will succeed, be happy, and that good things will come to you. Obstacles are just small hurdles on the road, and you will overcome them.

- Forgiveness: Forgive and forget the unpleasant things. Anger and hatred only weigh down your heart and cause you more sorrow. Keep your heart open and remember that everyone makes mistakes.

- Maturity: Leave the unpleasant things of childhood behind. The present is here, and the future is ahead; live fully only for today.

- Hope: Hope for the best and never forget that anything good can come to you, as long as you live and try your best.

- Letting Go: Let go of negative thoughts in your head. Instead, focus on your main purpose and think about the positive things.

- Looking Towards the Future: Open up new journeys, new challenges by always striving and opening your heart. Try to learn something new every day, and you will grow.

- Patience: Be patient; you must know that no matter how bad things get, they will eventually get better. The warmth of spring always comes after the harshest winter.

- Love: Let love fill your heart. When hatred reigns in the heart, there is no room for anything else, but if love is present, you will realize that happiness, joy, and success are all there.

- Time is important: Use your time and expenses wisely, and you will experience less stress and anxiety. This allows you to focus on more important things in your life.

- Be grateful when you are indebted: Open your eyes and embrace all the beauty around you. Even in the most difficult times, there are still things that make you smile and feel grateful.

- Have fun: Never forget to have fun while working. Success means nothing without laughter and joy.

- Relax: Don't let worry and stress take over your life, and remember that in the end, everything always has a solution.

- Effort: Keep trying, keep striving. Even if your dreams seem impossible, just give it a try. You'll be amazed at what you can achieve.

- Utilization: Use your talents to the best of your ability. Wasted talent is worthless; utilized talent brings unexpected rewards.

- Appreciation: Value your friends and family who have supported and encouraged you, and remember to be willing to help them.

- Work wholeheartedly: Work hard every day to become the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fail or make mistakes. Every sunrise that signals a new day gives you a second chance.

- Look and listen: Look deep into the hearts of those around you and listen to what they have to say. You will see the good in them.

There comes a time when you and the person you consider most important and loved no longer share the same goals, thoughts, and feelings. How do you feel then? Naturally:

- You no longer pay attention to each other, no longer remember meaningful days, anniversaries, or the other person's birthday.

- You no longer understand the other person's feelings and don't care what they are thinking.

- No longer listening, and then no longer seeing positive changes in that person.

This means countless things are no longer about caring about each other. So when you've experienced this, you should:

- Try calculating how many hours you work each day, the time you spend on personal hobbies or family, and the time you want to spend with friends or relatives compared to the time you dedicate to the person you care about most.

- Reassess how both of you have been using your time; consider simplifying your life whether you are single or newly married, have children or are retired. If you are too engrossed in work, preoccupied with many things outside the family sphere, or too tired, you are putting your life and emotional self at risk of disruption and negative impact.

- Never ask questions that make the other person uncomfortable, questions that not only have a question mark but also an exclamation mark of distrust.

Throughout life, you see that each person has countless choices. Just like choosing a blade of grass, if you know how to be content and don't keep searching, you'll surely find a more perfect blade of grass. Yes, life is about choices and searching, but don't keep searching for perfection. Let me tell you a story:

- A student and an elderly teacher were discussing perfection. The young man, with his health and enthusiasm, always wanted to find perfection for himself. The teacher listened attentively and understood the student. With years of experience and knowledge, he gently said to the student:

- May I ask you to do something for me?

- Yes, I would be happy to.

The teacher:

- In front of us is a lawn, interspersed with wildflowers. Can you pick for me a blade of grass or a flower that you consider the most beautiful and perfect? Provided you only go straight ahead and choose, you are not allowed to go back or step to the side.

The young man stood up and began searching. Taking his first step onto the grass, he looked down and saw a blade of grass, a vibrant green. He was about to reach out and pluck it. But then he looked ahead, and all he saw was a sea of green and even more beautiful blades of grass.

The young man took his second step, then his third, but as before, when he tried to pluck the blades of grass at his feet, he saw others ahead.

And so it went; he walked on, searching for the perfect blade of grass. But little did he know, engrossed in his search, he had reached the other side of the field. At that final step, with a small patch of grass and a few sparse wildflowers before him, he plucked the most beautiful blade of grass there and returned to his teacher. His face was no longer as enthusiastic as before; perhaps the young man had understood the meaning of his actions. Quietly approaching his teacher, the boy offered a blade of grass. Holding the flower in his hand, the teacher smiled gently, told him to sit down, and softly said:

- That's it. In life, each person has countless choices. Just like choosing a small flower, if you knew how to be content and didn't keep searching, you would have found a more perfect blade of grass or flower. People are the same; they always let opportunities slip away before they start regretting it. Think about today's story, my son!

* The grass represents the people around you.

* The beautiful grass represents the person you like.

* The lawn represents time.

Therefore, when searching for a lifelong partner, don't constantly compare yourself to others and hope to find the best person. Doing so will only waste precious time. Remember:

- Time never comes back.

Instead, learn to accept them for who they are.

In short, perfection does exist in life. It's just that each person isn't satisfied with that perfection. That's why, in your spiritual practice, the Buddha often reminded you:

- Don't search for the Buddha far away. The Buddha is right in front of you.

However, many people on their spiritual path still wander, seeking out famous teachers who are praised and admired by many... But no matter where they go, they always return to their humble, ignorant teacher in their hometown:

- Please, Teacher, kindly pray for my well-being.

- Or:

- Please, Teacher, pray for my salvation and lift me.

Therefore, in life, when it comes to the pursuit of perfection, don't let outward glamour sway you, and also:

- Don't wait until what you have in your hands is gone before you frantically turn around to search for it.